Help Yourself!

NHS maybe wasting millions on nicotine patches

2012-01-10T05:16:00.000-08:00

Oh surprise, surprise … Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT) – whether patches, gum, sprays or inhalers – has been shown to be relatively ineffective at helping smokers quit and remain non-smokers. Raising important questions as to whether millions of pounds of NHS funds are being wasted.

New evidence raising these doubts over NRT and of course the pharmaceutical industry's massive campaign to promote sales, follows research which found smokers who quit through NRT were just as likely to start again as those who stopped through will power alone.

The ten year study, conducted by Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Massachusetts, discovered that smokers who quit through NRT were just as likely to start again as those who stopped through will power alone.

The new paper – “A prospective cohort study challenging the effectiveness of population-based medical intervention for smoking cessation” by Hillel R Alpert, Gregory N Connolly, Lois Biener – examined the “effectiveness of nicotine replacement therapies either with or without professional counselling, and provide evidence needed to better inform healthcare coverage decisions.

Starting in the 2000, the US researchers followed a representative sample of 1,916 adults which included 787 who had recently quit smoking.

Each participant was interviewed three times, about once every two years during the 2000s, asked about their use of gum, patches and other such products, their periods of not smoking and their relapses.

At each stage, about one-third of those trying to quit had relapsed and the use of replacement products made no difference, whether they were taken for the recommended two-month period or with the guidance of a counsellor.

Significantly the study showed the relapse rate was just as high among those using NRT as though who went “cold turkey.”

Who would have thought it eh? Well this writer for a start. And probably also every hypnotherapist who has successfully helped people to stop smoking with clients/patients who had previously tried patches, gums etc.

Time and again smokers who want to quit the habit have come to my practice room reporting how they had tried NRT but had failed to quit.

Fairly recently one such client was a general practitioner who said he regularly prescribed nicotine replacement for his patients but knew that for most patients it did not work.

The US findings – published in the online edition of Tobacco Control – showed much the same outcomes for both heavy and light smokers irrespective of Is whether or not NRT was accompanied by professional cessation counselling.

It is worth noting that in the United Kingdom the Department of Health generally claims counselling doubles the success rate.

However close examination of the UK figures shows that the failure rate for NRT is over 90 per cent

The study’s lead author, Hillel Alpert from Harvard School of Public Health’s Center for Global Tobacco Control, commented: “This study shows that using NRT is no more effective in helping people stop smoking cigarettes in the long-term than trying to quit on one's own."

"Even though other well-controlled studies have shown that nicotine replacement therapy can be effective, our study looked at real-world use over the long-term. And in the real world, cigarettes are simply a very powerful addiction. And NRT is apparently not an effective replacement for that addiction."

About ten years ago researchers at the University of California, San Diego conducted a large scale survey of NRT – “Impact of Over-the-Counter Sales on Effectiveness of Pharmaceutical Aids for Smoking Cessation” by John P Pierce, PhD; Elizabeth A Gilbin – which also concluded that “since becoming available over the counter, NRT appears no longer effective in increasing long-term successful cessation in California smokers.”

It's Good to Talk

2012-01-02T02:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Kate,

My wife has told me that she has been having an affaire; we have been together ten years and married for three.

We met on our first day at university in the UK and have been together ever since, moving to Ibiza five years ago. I knew we were in trouble but never in my wildest dreams thought that this would happen.

I have asked her to go to counselling but she refuses saying her mind is made up that we are over. I am totally gutted, I thought we would be together forever and we had been talking about having children.

The additional pressure is that neither of us have found anywhere to stay and it is so expensive here that it may take a while and in the mean time we are stuck living in the same house which is making me feel even worse especially when she “goes out”.

Any pointers you have would be really appreciated

Thank you

Bob (not my real name)

Dear Bob

Thank you for your e-mail and sorry to hear that Christmas and New Year have been so difficult for you.

It sounds as if you have no hope of reconciliation with your wife and are going through the motions of having to accept the situation that you now find yourself in. This can be very difficult and often brings up uncomfortable emotions, disbelieve, acceptance and anger to name a few.

These are all completely to be expected and it is important to acknowledge them and spend a little time on reflecting how they are influencing your every day life and behaviours towards yourself and others. They will pass in time so be particularly kind to yourself during these early stages of the break up.

On a more practical note, is there no way your wife can move out even for a short period of time to give you some space to process what has gone on. I wonder why you haven’t insisted on this given it is her who has created this situation; does she not have some responsibility to create a physical situation that is easiest for you both?

I wonder whether there is something more that is stopping you from asking her to leave? Do you have some hope still that things are redeemable? Or maybe one of you moving out signifies a much more real and physical end to the marriage.

Whatever it is, it might be beneficial to ask yourself some questions about how to move forward in a way that is best for you.

It does seem like you were / are fully committed to this marriage having been together for 10 years and to have started talking about children must have been a big step for both of you.

There are lots of changes that happen in the first ten years after leaving university in your 20’s and the both of you have grown up together and maybe part of that growing up has brought changes in your views on the future which could never have been foreseen.

In time you will come to terms with the new future that is now in front of you and one day it will feel exciting and challenging to be able to make those choices but for now take care and focus on you and how best you can manage both the emotional and physical implications of your situation.

All the best

Kate

It's Good To Talk ... @ End of the Year

2011-12-31T03:10:00.000-08:00

Again no letter this week but this gives us an opportunity to reflect on the year gone by and ponder on what 2012 has in store.

Having recently taken up yoga we have been discussing expectations and how sometimes there is a pressure to live “in the moment “, when in fact the moment is made up of experiences from the past and expectations for the future.

The past has such an effect on how we live our future that it simply can not be denied, sometimes it is used as an excuse for certain behaviours but if it does anything it offers an explanation and an explanation is not an excuse, it is an opportunity to become aware of choices and with that awareness comes the chance to make a choice that works for you and those you care about.

The past can help us to understand how we respond to certain situations and give us the opportunity, if we explore it honestly, to decide if we want to respond in a similar way in the future or take time to reflect and make change.

So what about the future, it can come with such hopes and fears of what it may or may not delver that sometimes it feels easier to brush it aside and focus on now. However maybe taking a look at the past it will enable us to dispel some of those fears and realise its not the expectations that cause the anxiety but how we handle the meeting or not meeting those expectations.

This is the moment where things can get very deep and maybe as a new year dawns it is a time to keep things a bit lighter. Having said that maybe a quick glance at 2011 along with a vision for 2012 could help you make some choices that will make your 2012 move in the direction that you would like.

Ibiza is full of a huge range of people, genders, ages, races, cultures, religions, attitudes and sexualities are all represented, what a rich melting pot that we can call on when we need to get a perspectives that we may not have come across , one that could help us make the choices that bring us more understanding of our selves and those around us.

As the days , months and seasons pass it never ceases to amaze me how if you give to this beautiful island it certainly delivers way more then even or greatest expectations could imagine.

Have a safe and fun filled 2012 and I hope it brings you everything that you have chosen to let it.

Feliz Ano Nuevo
Kate

It's Good To Talk ... @ Christmas

2011-12-31T03:06:00.000-08:00

There is no letter this week so I wanted to talk about Christmas and being away from home. For some deciding to leave the UK and make a new life in Ibiza is an escape from somewhere they didn’t want to be, no looking back, no sentimentality. Whilst for others even being safe in the knowledge that they are doing what they feel is right it can still be a huge wrench leaving family, friends and familiar surroundings.

December is a time when often minds wander back to family and friends. What are they all doing, how is the build up to the big day going have they been ice skating, looked at the festive lights, been to Santa’s grotto, remembered to open the advent calendar and woe betide them if they forget to leave the whisky and carrots out for Santa and his reindeer!

All these traditions that happen somehow can feel very different when taken out of context Christmases in Ibiza are different. Firstly the sun is bright, there is a chance that on Christmas morning you could be walking along the beach on a glorious day when part of you might be thinking where’s the snow, the cold, my wooly scarf and bobble hat.

So how do we adjust? How do we manage our expectations so that what ever happens, however Christmas transpires we feel comfortable with the choices we have made. I suppose this is where it all starts…..with the choices we have made and if somehow we can take a moment to breath, sit back and reflect on those choices we can find ourselves becoming much more confident in them and the expectations they have created within us, or more correctly the expectations we have created within ourselves.

In some ways expectations are like rules, i.e. they are made to be broken. Sometimes it may seem like so much is riding on our plans, will the table look just right , the turkey cooked to perfection, and the gifts wrapped perfectly. Sometimes those expectations are met and often they are not but it is how we choose handle the outcome that decides weather the day is a triumph or a nightmare.

Personally I find that a sense of humour goes a long way to ensuring the first option, weighing up the importance of all the practical vs. spending quality time with people we care about and whose company we enjoy far outweighs neatly wrapped presents and perfect brussle sprouts.

So whatever your reasons for being on this wonderful island over Christmas maybe focusing on the positives, the bright sunshine on a crisp December day, the amazing sunsets, the beautiful walks and the freshest of local produce will go some way to remind you of what you have achieved by simply being here.

It's Good To Talk

2011-11-28T04:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Ibiza Counselling,

I have been reading your column for a while and thinking about writing but to be honest I feel very self indulgent, selfish and guilty for taking the space and your time. I am feeling so awful and low but nothing of any magnitude has happened that seems to warrant it hence the guilt. Lots of little everyday “life” things are going on but I feel I have always and should now be able to cope with them but for some reason my fighting sprit seems to have vanished and I’m struggling to hold on.

We have been living on Ibiza for 9 years and really love it, obviously we have our moments but I’d say 90% of the time life is good, I have an amazing husband we are incredibly close but his father is not well so is often having to shoot back to the UK and short notice. I totally understand and expect him to do this but it does leave me with 3 kids 14, 11 & 7 who all have to get up get to school and carry on with life with out their dad being here. It also means I am left running the business for short periods on my own. I am also getting near to the age where I’m beginning to feel that my body isn’t quite what it used to be, summers and bikinis are starting to feel like a dread even though my husband says I’m beautiful and nuts for thinking any different.

So as you can see nothing really that most people don’t manage to cope with just the normal things that happen in lots of lives but for some reason I am getting very wobbly and want to try and address this before the children or my husband realise. My husband is so worried about his father that it is very important to me that I do not add to his burden.

Thank you for taking the time to read and I am sure there are some much more deserving cases that should be put in your column so please only include me if you can.

Regards
Mary (not my real name)

Dear Mary

Firstly thank you for your e mail and as long as an e mail is appropriate to the column it will get published so please do not feel that you are taking up space that someone else might use.

I think that many of us go through life “dealing” with things as they happen then the moment passes and we think we are fine, the next thing comes along we deal with that and so it continues. However at some point if we constantly do not give ourselves the time to look at how any of these things, no matter how small we think they are, may have impacted us eventually, just like a sponge, we will become full up and in very simple terms, we literally can not absorb any more.

I wonder if getting some temporary practical help, either for the business or maybe joining forces with some of the other parents to do a joint school run or home work sessions, especially whilst your husband is away will give you the time to focus on yourself a little. You are a very important person, from what you have said it feels like you are the cog that keeps the family moving, therefore it is so important that you take the time to look after yourself . This is not indulgent or selfish it is necessary to keep yourself well emotionally and physically so you can support your family and especially your husband when times are difficult.

Please do not underestimate how heart wrenching it can be watching a partner go through caring for an elderly/ unwell parent, not forgetting that you may well also have a meaningful relationship with that in-law and have your own upset to manage as well.

I think the most important thing to focus on is that you are in no way being self indulgent, selfish or doing anything that could make you feel guilty. You need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of others and this means making your emotional welfare a priority and putting in place whatever you feel will help you to continue to support your husband through a very difficult period in his life.

I hope this has helped a little and please stay in touch and let me know how you get on,

Warm regards
Kate

It's Good To Talk

2011-09-01T01:27:00.000-07:00

Firstly I would like to apologise for the absence of the column 2 weeks ago, the truth is that I got my week’s in a muddle and thought I should have been writing the following week.

Hi Kate,

I am 24 years old and have been living on the island for nearly 6 months; I love it and am having a brilliant time. My family back in the UK has been really supportive and I’m in touch with them over Skype several times a week. I have brother 2 years younger then me and he has been coming for a long weekend nearly on a monthly basis. We are close but there is a problem. He is gay and when he comes over he basically spends his first night with me and then disappears for the rest of the time wondering in when he feels like it usually in a bit of a mess before flying back to England. I love my brother and have no issue with him being gay but I am also very close to my parents and for some reason he has decided not to tell them and asked me not to. Which puts me in an awkward position because when he gets back they often say that he is moody and grumpy and they have worked out its because he goes out and has a mad time when he is here so have started asking me what “we” get up to which in tern puts me in an awkward position.

I am also beginning to resent the way he is treating my very small apartment and the fact that in reality we hardly see each other when he is here. I also worry about his safety, he is new to the scene and I am very protective of him.

Any ideas on what I should do in terms of telling my parents would be much appreciated

Many thanks
An annoyed but loving sister!

Hi

Thank you for your letter and I can hear that you are concerned and annoyed with your brother for having to keep his secret and not being able to share your worries about what he is getting up to whilst here on his monthly visits. So, there seem to be two quite distinctive issues here. The first is regarding his sexuality and the confidentiality of that.

I can understand that you feel it is a big secret to keep and that maybe you would like to be able to talk about it to others that are close to get a better understanding of it yourself. Even though it is clear you have no obvious issue with him being gay it can still come as quite a shock and it is completely normal for you to need a period of time to adjust your expectations of what his future may now look like.

I also understand that it puts you in a difficult position with your parents but I do wonder why their assumption that both of you are going out together needs to be colluded with by you. Can you not say that since begin here he has developed his own group of friends and that often you do not go out with him? This does not have to be anything to do with his sexuality does it? I also would like to understand a little more why you feel the need to tell your parents, sexuality is such a personal and important part of someone’s life and maybe if you explained to your brother who you do seem to be very close to why you are finding things so uncomfortable he might start to consider telling them himself at some point in the future which might be the better scenario for all concerned.

The second issue i.e. that of him using your apartment to come and go as he chooses is one that many islanders talk to me about, we live here and work and over the summer season we seem to be hugely popular but there has to be a balance between holiday makers coming to stay and us being able to live our day to day lives. Maybe an open and honest conversation with your brother about how you are feeling about everything will help him to understand why you are beginning to feel restful of his visits and may enable him to see the need for changes in the way he is treating you and your hospitality.

I do hope things improve for you and please do let me know
Warm regards
Kate

Please keep the emails coming this is your page and remember you could be helping someone else by airing your concerns.

As ever the e-mail address is kate@ibizacounselling.com the newly revamped web site can be found at www.ibizacouselling.com with the blog at www.thetherapypartnership.blogspot.com/

It's Good To Talk … Again

2011-07-25T03:08:00.001-07:00

Thank you again to everyone who has shown an interest in the column, the letter below is a response to a letter that was originally published in the 29th June 2011 with a response, I have since heard from the lady concerned and thought you may be interested in how she is progressing.

The link for those on line is http://www.theibizasun.com/back_issues/29062011/ibiza_counselling.html
for those not on line a quick recap – a lady wrote to me saying she had been living in Europe for some time and was finding it difficult to accept her self, which was making her feel as if she had made the wrong choice in leaving home.

Hello Kate,

Thank you for your response to my letter. I appreciate all the things you wrote, it seems you really understood what I was saying and what I feel. It is hard being here at times and like you said I will have my highs and my lows so I should just focus on the highs. Without the family I am living with I know I would have gone back home a while ago.. But at times without the security of my family and my old home it can be hard.

In regards to the insecurities I've had for a long time I think it's mainly feeling very outcast ... I don't really know how to explain it exactly but I've always just felt disconnected and I guess that’s why I went overseas; as to find a way to become reconnected.

Things are getting better rather than worse though which is good but I always fear I will slip into the feeling of despair again and that thought always worries me. Like you said though, with time things will get better and I truly believe that.. So I will focus on that I think..
Thank you again Kate for listening... I have never expressed my feelings to such detail before...

(This reply has been slightly edited to ensure anonymity.)

Thank you for your letter and I am glad that some of the things written were useful to you. It seems as if you have more time to reflect and process what we have spoken about and what you would like to do in the future. It is great that you are staying with a supportive family though understandable that at times being with a great family must remind you of home a little more and that can be hard, but maybe you could talk to one of the adults and let them know how you are feeling and that you might need more support emotionally at certain times when you are finding things a little more difficult.

You say you have always felt outcast and disconnected I am wondering from whom? It sounds as if you are very close to your family so could it be friends at school/college? As I said previously you made a brave choice to come overseas and it sounds as if you are very connected with your host family, have you been able to make any friends since arriving? I wonder if being in a new country and meeting people with whom you have a blank canvass has made a difference to the way you connect with them. I feel that your confidence is growing and as that happens it simultaneously becomes easier to cope with the pressures of being away from loved ones.

You are doing really well and I am so pleased that you were able to express yourself by writing to me, sometimes it is easier to write then talk and keeping a journal maybe something that will help you reflect on how things are going and give you some self support if it’s difficult to talk to those around you.

Please take care and I hope that life overseas continues to improve for you and that I am sure that this experience will give you the confidence to connect with people and forge long lasting relationships that will continue long into the future.

All the best
Kate

Please keep the emails coming this is your page and remember you could be helping someone else by airing your concerns.

As ever the e-mail address is kate@ibizacounselling.com the web site can be found at www.ibizacousnelling.com

It's Good To Talk … Again

2011-07-25T03:07:00.000-07:00

It's Good To Talk

2011-07-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Kate

My partner regularly smokes cannabis and whilst on one hand I do not see this as a big deal as many of our friends do the same and have done for years, on the other hand it seems to be becoming more and more of an issue of late. When he smokes he is clumsy in a funny sort of way and really quite loveable. He seems funny and happy but recently his clumsiness does not seem so loveable any more. For me it’s turned into something that I had found amusing and endearing into something which is annoying and selfish.

Then when he doesn’t smoke for the first few days he seems to return to his old self, more on the ball, more dynamic and much better company, however after the first few days of giving up he then turns into what can only be described as miserable, selfish and rude, to the point where I almost want to tell him to go and get some more because useless and hap hazard is preferable to moody and angry.

My question is how can I make him see that he is pushing me away and that he needs to stop or at least cut down considerably or our relationship is in serious jeopardy. Of course this is also made worse because though we have friends here they aren’t the same as friends back in the UK so both of us feel very dependant on each other.

Yours confused – San Rafael

Dear Confused

Firstly thank you for your e-mail, you have brought up a subject which I see a lot in my private practice and though cannabis is not considered a “hard” drug, it can have more of an impact then people think, not only for the user but also those close to them.

The first thing to say is that I empathise with your situation, it can put a lot of pressure on any relationship when taken out of its comfort zone i.e. home and the expectations and hopes you both naturally place on each other can create difficulties when they are not met. However as much as you are in a couple you have to focus on yourself and what you can or cannot put up with.

Your partner may or may not give up smoking but he is the only one who can make this decision and he is the only one who can stop. Yes you can ask nicely, angrily and give ultimatums but at the end of the day he has to decide that he is going to stop and only when he does this genuinely and authentically for his own reasons will he have a chance of doing so successfully. He simply might not want to stop or cut down no matter what you say and there is also the possibility that he might try for you rather then because he believes he wants to and this is also not an ideal reason to stop or cut down.

You do however have some choices that you can make for yourself and they may seem simple on paper but I understand that in reality they are harsh and hard. All you can do is decide, if at the moment given what he is doing, you can live with it or not. If you decide you can live with it (it being his continued smoking) then we need to look at ways for his smoking to impact you in a less negative way then it is at the moment and that is a whole other area, which if you would like to contact me about, we can look at in more detail.

If however you decided that what is going on is unacceptable to you then you have the choice to leave the relationship or at least tell him of your intention so he can make some choices as to what is important to him.

Remember though smoking cannabis is an addiction and whilst many argue that it is not as addictive as hard drugs or even nicotine, it is still easy to become dependant on it and form a habit, which is hard to break. There are various support agencies on line and on the island so if you would like some more information then please do get in touch kate@ibizacounseling.com and I can give you more details.

I wish you all the best with whatever choices you decide to make.

Kate - http://www.ibizacounselling.com

Making hypnosis a virtual reality ...

2011-06-29T11:28:00.001-07:00

Researchers in the United States are investigating virtual reality hypnosis to help manage depression and anxiety in chronic pain.

Clinical trials began this summer at Arlington Heights in Illinois with patients using a head-mounted display to immerse themselves in a 3-dimensional world of sights and sounds. The technology guides patients through the same steps clinicians or hypnotherapists would use during hypnosis.

The annual meeting of the American Pain Society was told that patients with chronic pain often find it difficult to visualise the images necessary for deepening trance states, so it is hoped the computer-simulated environment will overcome the problem.

Clinical care consultant Lynda Wargolet explained: "The approach has already shown significant efficacy in case studies."

The overlap between pain and psychiatric conditions is particularly evident in chronic syndromes such as headache, low back pain, nerve pain, fibromyalgia, and irritable bowel syndrome.

Studies investigating the neural substrates of chronic pain reveal shared biological mechanisms with anxiety and depression.

Hypnotherapy helps speed surgery recovery – Belgian study

2011-06-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

The health and financial benefits of combing hypnotherapy and local anaesthesia in some surgical operations has been highlighted in recent research in Belgian.

Details of how hypnotherapy when used with normal local anaesthesia were delivered to the European Anaesthesiology Congress in Amsterdam.

The congress heard healing times were speeded up, drug needs reduced and time in hospital cut.

The evidence was gathered by Fabienne Roelants and Dr. Christine Watremez of Cliniques Universitaires St. Luc in Brussels who explained the study involved women who underwent breast cancer surgery – partial mastectomy, examination of lymph nodes and opening the armpit to examine or remove some or all of the lymph nodes.

Out of the study groups 78 women, 18 of them were given hypnotherapy – the rest had general anaesthesia.

Although the hypnotised patients spent a few minutes longer in the operating room, there was a substantial reduction in the need for opioid drug and they needed less time in the recovery room and in the hospital. The outcome of the surgery between the two groups were similar.

Fabienne Roelants told the conference: "In addition to reducing drug use and hospital stay time, being able to avoid general anaesthesia in breast cancer surgery is important because we know that local anaesthesia can block the body's stress response to surgery and could therefore reduce the possible spread of metastases."

It's Good to Talk...

2011-06-27T05:44:00.000-07:00

Thank you to everyone who has shown an interest in the column - and please remember that all feedback is welcome. I'd really like to hear from you. Anyway! On to this week’s letter:

Dear Kate,

I moved to Europe over a year ago as I hoped to become more aware of who I am and to accept myself. I have had issues all my life when it comes to insecurities and I am starting to think I may have made the wrong choice to come here. All I am hoping to get from you is some advice to at least be a little content with my new life here and to eventually accept my choices and to accept myself. Thank you.

The letter arrived anonymously, so I replied in my column:

Firstly thank you for your letter, it takes courage and openness to be able to acknowledge you are not as happy as you’d like to be and then to be able to ask for help. It seems from what you have written that you are a very insightful person and are beginning to become self aware and confident in who you are. That may seem like an obvious thing but knowing yourself well is something that takes time and can be hard work, asking yourself questions and giving honest and truthful answers can be a struggle at times but you seem to be doing well at understanding yourself and though you may not always like the answers your honesty puts you in a position to think about change if you choose.

So, you have been in Europe a year, I am not sure where you have come from or what caused you to leave home but no matter what the circumstances it is always hard to leave home and settle into a new way of life. I wonder why you feel you have possibly made the wrong choice? Maybe part of the journey that you hoped to take in accepting yourself and becoming more aware is about having exactly these kinds of doubts. The journey of self discovery is often not a smooth one but a rocky path and sometimes to get to that clearer place you have some dips and lows along the way, and this is where the real learning and understanding of yourself begins to take place.

I would like to know more about you and then maybe we can go into things in a little more detail, you say you have had issues all your life when it comes to insecurities, I wonder what you think these maybe. I have a sense that you are a very strong and confident person who at times has very natural doubts and concerns over their choices. I suppose one of the things to always keep at the forefront of your mind is that choices are exactly that and there are always choices available for you to make, a year ago you made the choice to come to Europe and it seems that you are now at a cross roads again, where you are making the choice to stay or not. It is completely understandable to have a natural pull to home, its what you know, its comfortable and familiar, but it will always be there for you and maybe staying in Europe for a little while longer will teach you more about yourself and how you want to spend the rest of your life then you would be able to discover at home. The end result may well be that home is where you decided to settle but giving yourself the opportunity to explore other options is not only brave but also such an amazing opportunity and one that you might want to consider taking full advantage of whilst you can.

I hope this has helped in some way and please feel free to contact me again should you feel like writing more.

Kate - http://www.ibizacounselling.com

It's Good to Talk

2011-06-16T16:17:00.000-07:00

Hello! I'm Kate Stillman, and I write a fortnightly column for the English-language Ibiza Sun, where I respond to readers problems; or tackle issues that are shared by many people wherever they live.

My column this time is based on an e-mail I received recently, and my answer to it. I hope that talking about these problems here will be useful - not just to people who are living in Ibiza, but to anyone who reads this blog.

The e-mailed was addressed to 'Dear Ibiza Counselling', and read as follows:

Dear Kate - I was hoping you could help me with a problem I have or maybe some of your readers have some ideas. I have been living in Ibiza for five years and love the islands; however I am beginning to feel that it might be time to go home.

Since arriving here my husband and I have made many really good friends, but lots of those relationships seem to centre around drinking. Up until now it has been fun but it seems as if we can't have a good time without it and it worries me, our communication is at an all time low and the children (14 and 16° are beinning to pick up on the tension.

I have spoken to my husband, but he is adamant that after building up a life for us here and all the effort that we have made that we should stay. He does not see the drinking as a problem and just says it's a way of life."

The e-mail was signed 'Thank you. Jane' (Not her real name).

I replied:

"Thank you for your e-mail; and I am sorry to hear that you are finding things difficult at the moment.

There seem to be several strands that are causing you concern - the alcohol, your relationship, and the children - so I will address each of them individually, and explore how going 'home' might impact them. It is important to remember that we only have a limited amount of space in this column - and I also have a limited amount of information from you, so this space is really to highlight areas which may need a little more consideration and exploration so that any decisions made are ones that you have to feel comfortable with.

It is great that you and your husband have settled in so well and have a good social network; this is something that many people living abroad find difficult to achieve. I understand that you feel much of your social time is centred around alcohol and that you are becoming uncomfortable with this. I wonder, though, if you think this would be any different if you were to move back to the UK. The setting and the people might differ, but there are still ample opportunities to drink in most countries.

Your husband may or may not think that alcohol is an issue for him - but if that is all you can focus on, then it is an issue for you - and this may mean you feel you have some choices to make regarding your own relationship with alcohol. It might be that by understanding why you are now feeling uncomfortable with the drinking situation, and giving yourself the opportunity to explore whether or not you feel that you need to change your own habits, you will be able to decide how you want to handle the alcohol issue within the family. There is alcohol support available in Ibiza, so please feel free to e-mail me directly at kate@ibizacounselling.com if you would like the details.

You have mentioned that you relationship with your husband is suffering, and that communication is at an all-time low. Sometimes communication can gradually break down, and it is not until we become aware of a certain situation - in your case the alcohol, or maybe the children's reaction to tension, that it becomes more apparent. I am asking you to consider if you think the communication between the two of you began to break down before the alcohol became an issue, or afterwards. Could it be that the alcohol acted as an escape from the tension that already existed between you?

Moving to a new country with two children and all that that entails puts a huge amount of pressure on any relationship and being conscious and open about that pressure can go a long way toward easing it.

Partners can often feel backed into a corner and that they are being blamed for certain situations. This can lead to them feeling they have to defend themselves rather than ask for help. I wonder what it would be like for you to ask your husband for help because you are finding things difficult rather than focus on what he is doing wrong. People like to be able to offer support and help to others. If he was aware of just how difficult you are finding things, it might be that asking for support from him you would find that his attitude would change.

Again, there are choices you may need to make, and questions you may want to ask yourself regarding your feelings about the marriage and what it means to you. Are things at a stage where you would consider leaving Ibiza with or without your husband? If he agreed to leave because you want to rather than because he agreed it was the best thing to do, what impact may this have on the relationship between you? Maybe letting him know how you are feeling and what those feelings are leading you to consider from a practical point of view will help you open the doors to a better communication.

Finally, there are your two children. They are picking up on tension because it is there and present within the family. The best thing you can do with children is to be honest, but in a supportive and kind way that they can digest. You know your children; both you and your husband do need to come together to focus on them and answer any questions they may have in an honest yet simply digestible way that they understand.

Jane, I wish you the best of luck."

It may be that some readers also have some views and ideas they would like to share after reading this. If so, please feel free to leave a comment on the blog or e-mail me at kate@ibizacounselling.com.

Kate - http://www.ibizacounselling.com

Hypnosis on the NHS?

2011-06-06T15:02:00.000-07:00

A new report from the hypnosis and psychosomatic medicine section of the Royal Society of Medicine is in favour of hypnosis becoming a standard technique on the NHS to relieve pain and treat stress related conditions such as irritable bowel syndrome.

I am, of course, very glad indeed to find that the hypnosis and psychomatic medicine section of the Royal Society of Medicine and I are finally in agreement, but I have to wonder how - and whether! - this excellent idea is going to work in practice.

Hypnosis is a very efficient and beneficial form of therapy that can be used to address many problems and alleviate many distressing conditions - but it is very time-consuming form of therapy. A single hypnosis session usually lasts for an hour or more - and some conditions demand many sessions. General Practitioners who take the trouble to learn how to use the technique therefore frequently find that they never have the time to use it.

The answer to that problem is, of course, outsourcing, and there are doubtless many medical practioners who would be prepared to outsource their patients to qualified hypnotherapists, and many qualified hypnotherapists who would be only too glad to take on the work. Unfortunately, as both Emily and I know only too well, getting an NHS Provider Number in the first place is very difficult, and keeping it current is the sort of bureaucratic nightmare that forces most therapists to give up and try to forget all about it.

Sadly, I think that hypnosis can only become a standard technique that is available to everyone on the NHS if people are encouraged to understand what they can get out of it - and you can begin to do that for yourself by visiting http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8572818.stm - and then ask for for what they want, and go on asking in an increasingly loud voice until they get it.

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Change

2011-06-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

This week in Ibiza has been a week of considerable change for most of us in one way or another, and change can be something that many find difficult, awkward and at times frustrating.

This weekend is always a big weekend on the island it is the unofficial start of the season, the sun is a certainty, the clubs re-open and the island sees the first sizeable wave of tourists here to soak up the sun and everything else that this magical island has to offer.

Be it family holidays, clubbing holidays, yoga retreats or a romantic get away. They subconsciously dump their stress; low energy and drudgery of daily life at home whilst simultaneously soaking up all the positives that Ibiza is able to give them. Many of us rely on them, some of us dread them and some feel a little in the middle of the two.

However what we cannot argue with is that this weekend marks the beginning of a different Ibiza until it all changes again towards the end of September. It is important that as residents living here the whole year around we look after ourselves and be aware of how this change may affect us emotionally as well as practically, as visitors it is also important to be aware of the change that is also going on for you. Two weeks holidaying in Ibiza, or anywhere else for that matter can bring up loads of thoughts that you simply have not had time to think at home, processing them can at times be overwhelming.

This is a change that we are expecting we know its coming and yet that transition can still be daunting, exciting, rewarding and frustrating. But this week has seen another change, a change that many of us especially those in the north of the island will have to get used to for some time to come.

A change that we were not expecting and certainly did not want. The fire that broke out on Wednesday 25th May close to San Juan has undoubtedly changed the scenery of Ibiza probably for years to come, but it has also changed lives, emotions and expectations for the future and this is maybe where talking about your attitudes to change and what it means to you could go a long way to helping you adjust to the changes that have happened and are happening both to the island as a whole and to you as an individual.

The events of this weekend are a shared experience and it’s good to talk to others about theirs to gain a better understanding of your own.

From a therapeutic point of view the subject of change tends to come up at some point during sessions, what change means to you and how you react to and with it can give you a much clearer insight into yourself allowing you to understand your responses and attitudes in a way that you might not have done in the past.

This is my first article for the Ibiza Sun as their resident counsellor, I have been practising for over eight years and will be here every two weeks to respond to your letters on any subject of your choice, they can be anonymous and no identifying material will be published.

Sharing your thoughts on this page could also be helping someone else in a similar situation who feels isolated and alone so please do take the time to become part of this column and I look forward to receiving your e mails.

Kate - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

If you put Yourself Down...

2011-06-04T13:35:00.000-07:00

...you'll never have a problem finding other people ready and willing to help you make a really good job of doing it.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Deviations

2010-06-29T13:57:00.000-07:00

I went to Loudun today. It was supposed to be a simple journey on a road that any Roman would have been proud of - arrow straight, and never mind the hills that got in the way.

Unfortunately, somebody definitely anti-Roman has installed an un-Roman roundabout just on the outskirts of the town, and the un-Roman roundabout was in urgent need of repair. So I met a yellow sign that said 'Deviation' in black letters.

Any self-respecting Roman would, of course, have laughed heartily and stepped over it. Unfortunately, it's obligatory to follow a sign that says 'Deviation' if you happen not be to a Roman and are driving a car.

This particular deviation took me down a long, narrow, winding road to a crossroads. There was no sign there to tell me which way to go. I took a chance and turned right - which happened to be the right decision. So I arrived - by chance, and with luck, where I wanted to go.

That was on the way there.

On the way back, I got hopelessly lost. I followed the first sign that said 'Deviation', and travelled through an endless, green, signpostless landscape for 20 minutes until I finally saw a very small signpost that said 'Sammerçolles'. I don't know 'Sammerçolles' - but I do know that the village abuts the main road, and that the main road would take me to where I needed to go. And eventually I got where I needed to go. But it took me longer than it should have.

Life is full of 'deviations' - but it isn't obligatory to follow them. And it will take a whole lot longer for you to get where you want to go if you do follow them. And getting there at all will depend on whether or not you see a signpost to some kind of 'Sammerçolles' somewhere along the way - and it's by no means certain that you will.

If you keep you eye on where you want to go, and what you want to achieve when you get there, you can avoid deviations. Or - like a Roman - you can step over them.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

What's Good to Know?

2010-06-18T13:14:00.000-07:00

Years ago I watched a programme about gardening. Actually, it wasn't quite about gardening. It was about plants and whether they were able to think and feel what we call 'emotion'.

The plants were in a greenhouse, and hooked up, of course, to various monitors that would register their reactions.

As part of the experiment someone walked into the greenhouse and burned one of the plants with a lighted cigarette.

Plants can't move, but afterwards whenever that same person entered the greenhouse, the monitors showed that all of them really did do their best to move and to get away. They did that because they were frightened that something that they didn't understand was going to hurt them as it had already hurt someone just like them.

The experiment taught the experimenters a lot about plants, and how they relate to each other. It taught me that there are some things that are best not known.

Currently, the fashion is that one should read and understand everything about whatever illness one is suffering from - and many therapists recommend that their clients read books and try to learn about their 'disease'. I'm not sure that's always a good idea, and I rarely recommend it myself.

Some things are best not known, because if they are not known they cannot be imagined, and if they cannot be imagined, they cannot be destructive.

There are some things that it isn't good to know too much about.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Among Those Dark Satanic Mills - And Everywhere Else

2010-06-17T04:06:00.000-07:00

Those of England's athletes who are taking part in this years's Commonwealth Games in Delhi chose 'Jerusalem' as the team anthem.

We were delighted. 'Jerusalem' - like the 'Marseillaise!' - is one of those pieces of music that seems to belong to everybody.

The Marseillaise is, of course, very militaristic, but William Blake's constructive and hopeful poem speaks of a Jerusalem of the mind, a place of peace and love that could be anywhere - and never mind that Blake happened to visualise it in 'England's pleasant pastures' and among England's 'dark satanic mills', or that his outlook was (unsurprisingly for those days) that of a Christian man.

Blake's poem is based on what may, or may not, be the myth that, as a young man, Jesus accompanied his Uncle Joseph of Arimathea on a voyage to England, and visited Glastonbury - and hence 'And did those feet in ancient time walk upon England's mountain green?'

It really doesn't matter whether the myth is a myth or the truth. Jesus is a Messiah to some people and a Prophet to a lot of other people - and whilst that difference does matter a great deal to some people, what matters most is that most people agree that he was an extraordinary individual and worth listening to.

And what matters most to us here is that England's athletes chose a piece of music that belongs to everyone and is hopeful and constructive.

'Jerusalem' is a metaphor for a place of peace and love. Building a new Jerusalem that isn't a place, but a state of mind, is no small ambition.

Aux armes, citoyens,

Formez vos bataillions,

Marchons, marchons!

But don't bring a gun.

Bill

Something is Always Greasy in the Kitchen

2010-06-15T13:25:00.001-07:00

It can take a very long time to thoroughly clean a proper working kitchen, the heart of the house.

And when you get done - even if you've taken off every door, and cleaned every hinge, and moved every possible thing out of every possible space, and swept and polished all the nooks and crannies, and painted everything that isn't moving - you can still pick up something very small, and find that it's greasy.

The something small is usually something very useful, something that you use all the time - a herb or a spice - and whatever is inside that greasy little jar is just as useful and beautiful as it ever was, and never mind the state of the outside of the jar.

Nobody is perfect. No matter how hard we work on ourselves, we all have two or three greasy jars tucked away somewhere. And usually there's something useful and beautiful somewhere inside them.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

You don't need to care about the white horse

2010-06-11T01:48:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This article contains material which could drive you nuts.

Okay not at first sight the politically correct expression expected from sensitive, right-on therapists such as Emily and myself.

But in this case fully justified.

For what we’re about to consider is a worldwide virus deliberately, cynically and yeah, even callously spread among humanity.

And while this article runs the risk of further spreading the virus, it also contains the antidote which could benefit millions.

Therefore read on … but with care.

The virus currently concerning us is a mental virus about which you may already be aware.

Until a few days ago I had never heard of The Game. Maybe that’s a generation thing, part of officially becoming an old fart. Maybe I should get out more.

The Game’s existence was disclosed to me by a potential client who came for a free consultation and admitted among his problems was being infected by The Game

By this point some of you are roundly possibly furiously cursing me before openly proclaiming: “I lost The Game!”

For those unware of The Game, its purpose is to forget about The Game, to avoid thinking about The Game. Thinking about The Game means you’ve lost … and you must announce it. That’s it.

Those playing The Game understand in its most simple form it has just three rules.

= Rule One – Everyone who knows about The Game is playing The Game.

= Rule Two – Each time you think about The Game you’ve lost.

= Rule Three – When you lose you must announce this to at least one other person.

As a consequence people across the Globe, maybe walking down the street, travelling on buses, sitting in offices, whatever, can suddenly declare, “I lost The Game.” Then anyone within earshot also playing The Game has also lost.

Insidious? Damned right.

Mentally destabilising? Potentially if, as for some, it becomes obsessive.

Downright daft? Too bloody true.

Am I playing The Game? Not on your nelly!

So why mention it? Two reasons.

First to provide the way anyone infected with this mental virus can decontaminate themselves.

Second, to explain how The Game was used to help a client dealing with a relationship problem.

The mental virus which spreads The Game is based on what’s known as ironic processing. That’s a posh way of describing how, if you deliberately try to suppress a thought, you actually highlight it. For example, for the next few seconds try really, really hard NOT TO THINK ABOUT A WHITE HORSE.

It might have been more appropriate to have invited you not to think about a white bear; that what psychologist Daniel Wegner used during “thought suppression” experiments from which he coined the term ironic processing.

What relevance is this to decontaminating those infected with The Game mental virus? Well by giving it a mental two finger salute. By realising you are not accepting Rule One, or Rule Two or Rule Three.

I know about The Game but am not playing. I do not feel I have “lost” when I remember The Game nor am I going to make any utterances.

My client with a relationship problem had been troubled by obsessive thoughts which, at an intellectual level, she recognised were irrational. But still they persisted, causing her pain and anxiety.

She needed some way of adding emotional understanding to intellectual understanding. To find a way of understanding she could think about things without always caring or being concerned about them.

She also had not previously heard about The Game but on learning about it had no intention of playing. She understood other people played, some might even be obsessed, but she did not care. She realised she had no need to care … and began to see the solution to her own obsession.

Ask Yourself Some Questions

2010-05-31T13:05:00.000-07:00

You can be quite unhappy without knowing why.

You can want to change something without knowing quite what.

You can want to change three or more specific things, but dither about changing any of them because you can't make your mind up where to start.

One way out of this maze of not knowing and indecision is to ask yourself questions, because if you ask yourself questions it's likely that you'll get much more than you expect or bargain for by answering them.

Want to see? Print this post, then write out the answers to these questions. Take your time! It's likely you'll have to think about some of them...

If you work, does your work satisfy you? If not, why not?

If you are a home-maker, are you satisfied with your role? If not, why not?

What do you like to do in your spare time?

What would you like to do that you are not doing now?

What is stopping you doing those things?

What steps do you think you could take to make those things a reality in the future?

What do you want out of life?

Where do you see yourself in five years time?

What are the bad habits you would like to overcome?

What are your weaknesses that can be worked on?

What are your strengths that can be worked with?

What would you like to achieve in the short term?

What are your long-term goals?

Do you have overly high, or overly low, expectations of yourself and others?

If so, where do you believe those expectations originated?

In what kinds of situations do you most readily lose control?

In which situations are you best able to keep self-control?

How would you describe yourself?

Which of your feelings, thoughts, or behaviours would you like to change?

What benefits do you believe you would gain from understanding yourself better?

If suddenly one morning you discovered that your biggest problem had disappeared and no longer troubled you, what would be different?

If you answer these questions as honestly as you can, you'll likely get some insight right away - and perhaps will be able to ask yourself some more questions, and get some further insight into where you want to go, and who you want to be, and what you really want to achieve.

Bear in mind though, that your unconscious mind will continue to process both your questions and your answers for some time, so that fresh questions, different answers to the old ones, new ideas, solutions to problems (and perhaps gradual changes in habits or attitudes) will occur quite naturally over a period and continue to manifest themselves for several weeks or months afterwards without your necessarily being conscious of the reasons for them.

Which is the beauty of asking yourself questions...

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Self Fulfillling Prophesies - Make Yours Good Ones

2010-04-23T14:39:00.000-07:00

We hardly ever apply logic or rational thought to the negative words we adopt to describe ourselves, or the negative things we think when we’re faced with particular situations or people, or have to learn something new. I know I never used to. My own particular negative nugget was 'I'm bound to make a mistake'. Guess what happened...

Anyway, I don't want you falling into the same dark hole, so I'm listing a few of things that I often hear people say about themselves. They don't make cheerful reading, but they illustrate the point I'm trying to make - and that is that we often think damaging things about ourselves that are wrong, irrational, illogical or past their sell-by date.

I want you to think when you read the list. I also want you to apply logic and try to refute each statement as you go along, and to try to stand outside yourself and imagine what advice you would give to someone who made any of these statements to you.

OK? Here's the list:

I feel inferior to other people who are better off/better educated/better looking than I am.

I have negative beliefs about myself and my own abilities.

Although I realise that the negative beliefs I hold about myself influence my current conduct, I remind myself of them every day.

I make negative statements and self-deprecating remarks about myself in everyday conversation.

When I was younger members of my family or peer group made negative remarks to or about me. I remember them and still believe them to be true.

When I get negative feedback from people close to me I take it personally and believe it to be true even though I know, logically, that it is not.

I have a negative self-image about my body/looks/background/social skills that influences the way I present myself to other people.

I always believe negative assessments of my competency, skills, ability, knowledge, intelligence, creativity, or common sense to be true.

I feel negative about my future prospects of success and lack the motivation to make the effort to achieve my goals.

I feel angry, resentful or hostile toward others for real or imagined mistreatment.

I dread the future. I don’t believe that I have what it takes to be successful.

I have made mistakes in the past and feel sure that I will make mistakes in the future.

Do you really believe that’s its logical to feel inferior to another person just because that person is better off, better educated or better looking than you are?

Do you sincerely think that it's rational for a person to make negative statements about him or herself to other people, or make negative assessments to themselves about their own abilities?

Do you honestly consider that people always tell the truth about other people, or do you believe that some people sometimes have a personal agenda that makes it politic to denigrate other people?

Do you think it wise for a person to base his or her view of themselves on what people said to, or about, them years ago?

Do you really think it’s a good idea for people to keep reminding themselves of their personal negative beliefs about their own background, abilities, etc?

Do you consider that people who don't believe in themselves and lack motivation to pursue their goals can make a success of their lives?

No? Me neither. But I do sincerely believe, think, and consider that negative thoughts and beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophesies.

Many of the things we think or believe about ourselves are wrong, illogical, irrational, or distorted. Most of those thoughts or beliefs are rooted in the past, but things that happened in the past, however painful and damaging to the self-confidence, have little or no relevance to the present.

I've a great belief that if there's a monster in your closet then the best thing to do is to haul it out, and shine a strong rational, logical, and realistic light on it, because that's the only way to see the monster as it really is - a scrawny little creep that's trying to ruin your life.

If you make negative statements about yourself that you apply to yourself - write them out on a piece of paper, and treat them exactly as you treated the statements I've written here. Stand outside yourself, apply logic, try to refute the statement, and try to give yourself some good, impersonal advice. You might also ask yourself a couple of questions: like “What does it matter to me now? or "Why does it bother me so much?" and write out the answers to those questions, too.

All part of making your self-fulfilling prophesies good ones...

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

You, Your Teeth, the Dentist - and Finding the Money

2010-04-09T13:01:00.000-07:00

Unsurprisingly - and given the fact that nearly everybody is strapped for cash and finding an NHS dentist prepared to take anyone on is now is about as likely finding teeth on a hen - dental care doesn't top the list of priorities for a lot of people.

The problem is that you if you ignore your teeth, they do tend to go away.

You need your teeth to chew food and speak clearly. Your teeth also affect the appearance of your face and your smile - so it's important to look after them, and make sure that they don't go away.
You can do a lot by yourself to keep your teeth in your head and your smile intact:

Brush your teeth at least twice a day.
Make sure you brush every surface of every tooth. To do this properly can take longer than you think. Most dentists would recommend around two minutes. Takes me at least five minutes.
Use fluoride toothpaste to protect against decay.
Use a toothbrush with a small head and synthetic bristles.
Start at one side of your mouth and move round to the other side, brushing all the tooth surfaces thoroughly.
Pay particular attention to the gumline, angling the bristles into the crevice where the gums meet the teeth.
Use a good mouthwash - like Corsodyl or Alodont - and follow the instructions. No, they don't taste good, but you can't have everything.
Replace your toothbrush every month.

Some people prefer an electric toothbrush - I certainly do - and there is some evidence that electric toothbrushes are more efficient at removing plaque than brushing by hand. However, how throughly you clean your teeth is much more important than what type of brush you use -and you still need to replace the brush once a month.

And you still need to visit a dentist once in a while - as opposed to letting things go and heading for A&E or calling NHS Direct when things get unbearable.

For reasons I won't bore you with, I was reading through the Business Credit Management UK website earlier this week, and I found an article entitled 'Debt Ridden Britain Relies On Credit For Dental Bills'. The article was talking about a Company called Simplyhealth .

Simplyhealth seems to provide a lot of benefits (it isn't just about teeth!) for not very much money, so its worth checking it out. It's 'Simply Cash Plan' starts from £2.25 a week and provides for dental visits, opticians appointments and - interestingly - complementary therapy along with a lot of other stuff. Visit the site! It might be for you.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

NICE recognition for hypnotherapy … neither complementary nor alternative

2010-04-04T03:45:00.000-07:00

Whether the following proves to be good or bad news for hypnotherapy in the UK is currently unclear.

But what is now clear is that hypnotherapy is not classified as a Complementary Therapy by either the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) or, at least in some circumstances, by the Department of Health.

It is a development which will doubtless leave most of the country totally unshaken but one which hypnotherapists themselves might do well to take on board.

The fact hypnotherapy is now described as “a psychological intervention” by NICE and DoH has been confirmed in email replies from both organisations.

That classification was made more than two years ago, in February 2008 when NICE published a 554-page clinical practice guideline on “Irritable bowel syndrome in adults: Diagnosis and management of irritable bowel syndrome in primary care.”

Commissioned by NICE and prepared by the National Collaborating Centre for Nursing and Supportive Care, the guidelines have already been reported as recommending that hypnotherapy be considered for refractory IBS, i.e., continuing for more than a year.

What was less noticed was the guideline's inclusion of a 17-page chapter on hypnotherapy for IBS followed by a five-page section on indirect comparisons of psychological interventions plus two pages of evidence on the inquiry’s recommendations for psychotherapy, CBT and hypnotherapy.

The inquiry team considered psychological interventions for IBS, recognising several different disciplines, including “psychotherapy, biofeedback, cognitive behavioural therapy, family therapy, hypnotherapy, interpersonal therapy and psychodynamic therapy.”

Evidence included the findings from a 2006 study showing hypnotherapy resulted in a “significant reduction in the use of prescriptions in the one year following intervention.”

The report therefore recommend that IBS patients who fail to respond to pharmacological treatments after more than 12 months, should then be considered for psychological interventions.

The inquiry developed two models of treatment to try to estimate the cost-effectiveness of different types of IBS interventions. First – long-term maintenance with pharmacological interventions. Second – a “one-off” intervention model for behavioural interventions (CBT, psychotherapy and hypnotherapy) over a defined period with the expectation that benefit continued beyond the intervention period.

Examining whether hypnotherapy had a role in managing IBS symptoms the guidelines stated: “More complex psychological interventions include biofeedback, cognitive behavioural therapy, dynamic psychotherapy and hypnotherapy are usually initiated for people with moderate or severe symptoms who have not responded to other management programmes.”

It then adds: “These therapies are effective, but time consuming to provide, require specialist input and currently availability varies widely across the UK.”

We have to plough on all the way to page 375 before the guidelines attempts to explain what hypnotherapy is and how it works. Helpfully it describes gut-directed hypnotherapy as “a specific form of hypnotherapy developed for the management of gastrointestinal disorders.”

It also quoted Professor Peter Whorwell’s conclusion that: “IBS is ideal for treatment with hypnosis, as there is no structural damage to the body. During hypnotherapy people learn how to influence and gain control of their gut function and then seem to be able to change the way the brain modulates their gut activity.”

Details on past studies of hypnotherapy for IBS; comparisons with different treatments, its efficacy with pain controls, bloating and other symptoms were also provided.

Which then led to a look at the economic issues; pointing to the total lack of any analyses of the cost-effectiveness of hypnotherapy for IBS or any NHS reference cost, even though hypnotherapy is funded in some regions of the NHS.

But – and this for UK hypnotherapy is a big, important but – it crucially considered just where hypnotherapists might fall within NHS pay scales.

The NICE-commissioned inquiry decided the salary of a typical hypnotherapist should fall within the Agenda for Change band 6 – the same scale as counsellors. Which meant the cost, based on seven sessions at £41.55 each, would be £291 per patient.

The report explained: “We have assumed that hypnotherapists have a similar working pattern to counsellors undertaking psychotherapy in terms of the proportion of their time that is spent on direct client contact and the proportion that is spent on research, administration, education and other activities.”

What is important here is that the study team clearly believed hypnotherapy should and would be provided by hypnotherapists rather than clinicians, psychologists or psychotherapists.

As mentioned earlier, all this probably seems far from exciting to the world at large, but to UK hypnotherapists it is a decision of potentially immense importance and long-term significance.

And it only came to light with a written Commons question from the chairman of the Commons Science and Technology Select Committee, Liberal Democrat MP Phil Willis.

He wanted to know which complementary or alternative treatments, medicines or therapies (CAMs) NICE had either considered or approved for use by NHS clinicians.

Health Minister Gillian Merron listed reflexology, acupressure, massage, Tai Chi, the Alexander Technique, Aromatherapy and others … but not a mention of hypnotherapy.

Her reply seemed puzzling since NICE had specifically included hypnotherapy as appropriate for refractory irritable bowel syndrome.

Why on earth was hypnotherapy not on the list? The answer – because as far as NICE is concerned hypnotherapy is not a CAM.

Validation of this came during a chat with NICE’s External Communication Manager, Laura Gibson along with an email stating: “Following your enquiry about whether NICE classes hypnotherapy as a psychological intervention or a complimentary/alternative therapy, I can confirm that it is classed as a psychological intervention.”

So was this view shared by the Department of Health? Yes it was for the Department’s press office explained that the written parliamentary reply to Willis was based on NICE's guidance.

It’s email added: “In the context of the clinical guideline on Irritable Bowel Syndrome published in 2008, NICE's independent Guideline Development Group considered hypnotherapy as a psychological intervention and not as a complementary therapy. NICE's guidance was subject to extensive consultation with stakeholders throughout its development."

Now the Credit Crunch can crack your teeth

2010-04-01T04:02:00.000-07:00

Seems it not just our finances which are cracking under the Credit Crunch … so are our teeth.

Quite often clients mention to us in the course of conversation that, quite separate from the reason they have come to see us, they know they have a tendency to clench their teeth.

Frequently they become aware of this not from personal observation but due to their spouses or partners complaining bitterly about the noise they make grinding their teeth while asleep.

Teeth grinding, whether while awake or asleep, is known as bruxism, and can cause all sorts of dental problems including wearing down, chipping or flattening or loosening teeth to earache and the contraction of jaw muscles.

Sleep bruxism and many instances of Awake bruxism is an unconscious, involuntary behaviour and can be a really.

Now, according to some dentists, there has been a noticeable surge as a resulted of the added anxieties created by the current financial nightmares.

Details of the problem appeared in the Guardian with a report on how dentists were recording increases in patients whose teeth have started to crack – sometimes beyond repair – as a result of this unconscious grinding.

The Guardian’s Health correspondent Denis Campbell explains that stress-related teeth grinding is causing people to have to take painkillers every day to relieve their symptoms and is even damaging their working life.

The paper quotes implant dental specialist Sharif Khan as saying: "People who are worst affected by grinding are Type A personalities: ambitious people and perfectionists, who usually work in business."

According to Edinburgh dentist Yann Maidment the dental consequences of the Credit Crunch has become very apparent within the financial sector. He and his colleagues reckon the numbers of patients affected by bruxism has risen by up to a fifth - especially among those in Edinburgh’s banks, fund managers and financial services firms.

"There's a lot of anxiety that redundancies may be coming, and about job losses that have already happened," says Maidment.

What do dentists do about bruxism? Often they merely provide bite guards which patients are supposed to bung in their mouths at night while they sleep – at a cost of between £250 to £300 a time.

There is though a better solution – and as we’re hypnotherapists, you’ve probably guessed that the answer is hypnotherapy. And you’d be right. Hypnotherapy can really help to deal with the underline causes of bruxism; the stress, the anxiety … and in many cases, the unresolved anger. You can learn more at our website by clicking on the Therapy Partnership website

Well, that’s something to chew on.

The Only Person You Need to Impress is You

2010-03-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

I think most of us spend a lot of time at one time or another trying to impress other people. We do it in all sorts of ways - with our clothes or our belongings or by the way we behave or the things we say or do.

It works, of course, sometimes - but only with people who are impressed by externals - the young, the naïve and (let's face it) those very shallow people who judge others not by whom or what they are, but by their belongings, and the the labels in their clothes.

Being impressive to other people - real people who really matter - never depends on what you wear or what you own. It depends on you - the real you - the person you really are, and what you think of and believe about yourself and your skills, and your abilities, and what you have to offer to society and the world.

That's why the only person you really need to impress is yourself. If you don't believe in the real you - who else is going to?

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

Some People Should Carry A Government Health Warning

2010-03-09T13:09:00.001-08:00

Coincidence (if you believe in it!) is a very odd thing.

At the moment, there's a very interesting discussion going on in the 'Positive Thinkers' Group on LinkedIn .

Someone raised the question as to whether criticism or praise (by way of compliments) is most memorable.

I wrote that whilst constructive criticism (which usually comes with useful advice) and genuine compliments (which are always accompanied by genuine enthusiasm) are worth taking notice of, and remembering, and learning from, empty compliments and carping criticism are something that one can afford to ignore.

Then I received an e-mail - out of the blue - that reminded me that sometimes criticism can be deliberately cruel and intentionally destructive, and that it can come from 'trusted' people when one feels weak and defenceless and surrounded by an ocean of problems.

I was the victim of such an attack many years ago. I haven't forgotten it - but I did learn something from it.

I learned to look for and evaluate motives, and to mentally sort and file - or discard - both compliments and criticisms according to their real value.
I learned that smiling and saying 'thank you' - whether the criticism or the compliment was well-intentioned or not - was the best thing to do, because genuine people appreciate it, and fakes realise that you aren't a push-over and tend to back off.

It's a sad fact that some people should carry a Government Health Warning. They are malicious, and intentionally destructive of the confidence or happiness of other people for their own selfish motives.

Safeguard yourself:

Listen
Evaluate
File or discard
Smile
Say 'thank you'
Hang around, or
Just walk away

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

Sometimes its Wise to be Brutal

2010-03-07T14:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes people turn up out of the blue. Years on, they find you on Google - or fall over you in Waitrose or somewhere else that you wouldn't expect to see them. Sometimes it's a nice surprise - and sometimes it isn't.

People do terrible things to other people, and never realise what damage they've done, and what anger and pain their actions have inflicted on their victims - and many of them underestimate how long that anger and pain can remain alive, simmering away under the surface, waiting to be expressed.

Such people tend to greet or write to their victims as though nothing has happened. They sign their messages 'with love'. They ask people if they might perhaps like to go for a drink. They slap people on the back, their cheerful faces totally forgetful of the past, and wholly concentrated on the present.

If by chance you get an e-mail or a letter or meet someone, and you have something to say - something that's been simmering away for months or years - then it's better to say it than to bite your tongue and go along with a 'let's let bygones be bygones' attitude.

Suppressed anger never did anybody any good. I had to write a very unpleasant e-mail today. I didn't enjoy writing it. Actually, I didn't want to write it. But I feel a lot better from having written it.

If you get the chance, get your anger off your chest, and speak your mind. Then you can forget about it all and move on.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

Bad News and Winter Blues

2010-03-03T13:38:00.000-08:00

This winter seems to have gone on forever - and we are living, as they say, in interesting times. And very depressing it can be.

Getting up to more lousy weather - and more bad news on the radio or the television first thing in the morning! - isn't a recipe for facing the day in a cheerful and optimistic frame of mind, and it certainly doesn't encourage anyone to leap out of bed and rush down to the gym or go for a quick run round the park.

The real trouble, though, is that Bad News and Winter Blues makes staying positive and determined and motivated very difficult - particularly if a person has something important that they need to do.

Bad News and Winter Blues can make a mountain out of a molehill.

If you have something important that you need to do - and are suffering from Bad News and Winter Blues and have come to the point where you have begun to think that you really can't do something that you need to do - make a list of all things that you have done or overcome successfully in the past (and that you probably thought at the time you couldn't do!) and take a really good look at it.

Then think about- and remember - the taste of success.

Forget the weather and the bad news: 'I did that - so I can do this' is the mental place to go if you have something that you need to do now.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Hypnosis - It Takes Two To Tango

2010-02-18T07:47:00.000-08:00

People are always asking us whether we can hypnotise everyone. The answer is that it takes two to tango - so no, we can't hypnotise everyone. We can only hypnotise people who want to co-operate and participate in what is really a joint venture.

Some people - usually people who have taken on board all the myths about hypnosis (or watched a lot of those movies that Hammer Horror Studios used to specialise in!) - find it hard to co-operate and participate until we've explained a few things. Like:

No, you won't lose control.
No, you won't reveal your innermost secrets.
No, you won't accept suggestions unless you want to.
Yes, you will hear everything we say.
No, hypnosis is not sleep.
Yes, you will certainly 'wake up'!

After which, of course, hypnosis becomes a real possibility and (in due course) an enjoyable and useful exercise that that those people look forward to - and want to learn to use for themselves at home.

Other people, sadly, see the whole venture as a battle of wills, and don't want to co-operate or participate. At which point, I'm afraid, we cease to want to co-operate or participate, too. Thankyou, goodnight, goodbye and good-riddance. We are not in the business of being protagonists in some unknown cause.

If you think you can benefit from hypnosis - and there are an awful lot of benefits to be had from hypnosis - forget all the myths and the movies. Hypnosis really isn't a step into unknown territory.

Everybody falls into a hypnotic state every night just before they fall asleep and every morning when they begin to wake up.
Everybody can fall into the same state sitting in the garden digesting Sunday lunch, or sitting in a deckchair watching the sea.
A lot of people can do it whilst jogging or showering or ironing - or, alas, driving on monotonous motorways (try not to do that!).

Hypnosis is really just a very pleasant state of total relaxation.

Not romantic. Not a thriller-diller. Nothing to keep you up nights munching crisps and glued to the screen. Almost boring, really.

A session with a hypnotherapist will allow you to enjoy a pleasant daydream or two - and allow your chosen therapist to talk your unconscious mind into helping you achieve what you want to achieve.

But remember: it takes two to tango. You can learn to do it without us - but we can't do without you!

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Too Much Input For Our Own Good?

2010-02-12T08:31:00.000-08:00

Be afraid! Be very, very afraid!

Sound familiar? Should do. Government and media pump out an unceasing torrent of doom-laden warnings (do this... don't do that) to the effect that we should be afraid of an increasing number of things - one of which is, apparently, playing dangerous games. Like conkers.

In fact - sandwiched between incredibly scary news items - our newpapers, radios and televisions give us literally hundreds of instructions as to how we should live our lives so as to remain 'safe' from the many, many incredibly scary things that are apparently out to get us.

Daily we are told what - and what not! - to eat. Several times every day - practically every five minutes if you listen to Talksport which happens to be sponsored by Nicorette - we are alerted to the dangers of smoking. Then there's drinking. And of course, sex.

All in all, I sometimes think that the cigarettes, the whisky and the wild, wild women won't get the opportunity to drive me insane, because the constant and oppressive drip, drip, drip of dire warnings will get me first - and that's not altogether a joke, because it seems that those warnings are having some very adverse effects on quite a lot people.

The Social Issues Research Centre in Oxford has found that 'shock tactics' in health promotion campaigns may do more harm than good.

Over a three year period the Centre kept checks as to how the public reacted to media coverage of health issues - and discovered hidden psychological consequences which broke down into three adverse reactions.

Top of the list was 'Warning Fatigue'.

The Centre found that the public had simply become 'desensitised' to high-level health scares - had in fact 'turned off', 'tuned out', and stopped listening.

In particular, incidentally, the public has apparently become 'deaf' to advice on exercise and healthy eating. No surprise, then, that despite a concerted campaign over the past decade, obesity has soared in the UK (according to the NHS Information Centre, one in four UK adults is now obese) and weight loss surgery has doubled over the past two years.

Next came 'Risk Factor Phobia'.

This is a condition which results in people becoming irrationally fearful about perceived health hazards posed by their food, their lifestyle or their environment as a direct consequence of the non-stop warnings we all receive about all three of those things - and it's a particularly adverse 'adverse reaction', because an 'irrational fear' is a phobia, and having one of those isn't anybody's idea of a good time. We wrote about phobias recently in our post 'Do The Thing That Scares You'. Wouldn't hurt to go back and read it.

One tell-tale sign of Risk Factor Phobia, incidentally, is a powerful inclination to read, absorb and inwardly digest the contents of newspapers or health magazines. If you feel this inclination growing in yourself, I strongly urge you to curb it today. Sorry about the advice folks...

Last condition the Centre identified? The 'Forbidden Fruit Effect'.

Guess why so many young people smoke...

A lot of the advice we get every day is very good advice. The problem is that there is too much of it, and (in many cases) it is intended to inspire fear rather than rational thought. People can think for themselves and are, on the whole, capable of recognising that they need to do something about their weight or their smoking or any other problem that confronts them. And of, course, there are horses for courses.

Don't let anything make you so afraid that you 'turn off', or cease to be able to make rational decisions about what is good for YOU, personally.

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Happiness isn't Hard to Find - But You Have to Play the Game

2010-02-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

I think you find happiness by looking around and recognising that there are a lot of people who a lot less fortunate than you are in so very many ways.

I think you can find it by helping other people, and thinking less about yourself and your own problems.

I think you can find it by being positive and looking to the future rather than the past.

I think you can find it by accepting all the good things that each day has to offer and consigning all its negatives to the bin.

Life continually deals everyone a new hand of cards every day. It's up to you how you play each of your hands. Every hand can be a winner - but not if you decide to fold rather than play. However bad it looks, you have to play every hand out with the firm intention of winning. If you do that, you may not scoop the pot every day - but you'll never be a loser either.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Where Do You Find Happiness?

2010-02-06T13:48:00.000-08:00

I found a blog today at Self Improvement Blogger . Well, to tell the truth, Emily found it.

It has a lot going for it - lots of books, lots of interesting stuff - and it's worthwhile looking at it and reading your way through what people have written - but I was struck by one particular comment that had been posted by 'Admin'. The post read "Is there a way to achieve happiness? I hope the answer isn't religious texts."

Which is a pretty peculiar comment whichever way you look at it - not least because quite a lot of people do find a degree of happiness (or at least peace of mind!) through religious texts. Particularly - and sometimes only! - when someone dear to them has died, or they fear that they are dying themselves.

Personally, I think you should grab happiness with both hands wherever you find it - and I don't think that it's something that can be 'achieved'.

You can strive to be promoted, or rich, or famous - and sometimes you can 'achieve' any one or all of those things - but happiness is not something that can be 'achieved'.

Obviously, you can be happy if you have 'achieved' something, but mostly happiness is a gift that you get from someone else or from the world around you.

Frosty mornings make horses ridiculously happy. Windy days make cats ecstatically happy. Lots of people and lots of (actually very small!) things can make human beings ridiculously or ecstatically happy.

There's no point in trying to 'achieve' happiness. You just need to accept it and enjoy it when it's given to you.

Spring flowers soon ...

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Do The Thing That Scares You

2010-02-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

Everybody gets scared. Everybody gets scared by, or of, something every day. Being scared is nothing to be ashamed of. Actually it's an important defence mechanism that's intended to keep people safe, out of danger - alive.

But sometimes that defence mechanism gets out of hand, and becomes too protective. And allowing that to happen is a very bad idea, because fear can then take over and begin to dictate your behaviour. Good example: some people allow themselves to develop a fear of open spaces that - over time - becomes acute. Eventually, they are effectively trapped by their own fear in their own homes. No lunches or dinners out. No parties. No weddings. No visits to parks or museums or cinemas or shops or beaches. No walks with the dog - or the children. No sunny days in the garden. Just a house - where quite often all the curtains are drawn to shut out the outside.

It's quite possible to get so scared of something, or of doing something, that whole areas of your life become coloured and determined by that fear. And your life becomes narrower, and less enjoyable as a result.

The important thing to understand about fear is that it tends to vanish if it is confronted, and nothing bad happens as a result of that confrontation.

If something scares you - and believe me plenty of things scare me! - confront it. If you confront your fear, you will vanquish it, it will disappear, and you will be free to live your life to the full. It isn't easy to take that first step, but you'll never regret doing the thing that scares you. And you can always ask a friend to help you take that important first step. Your friend is scared of something, too - and maybe you can help in return!

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

You Don't Need Drugs to Become a Knight to Remember

2010-01-27T10:19:00.000-08:00

Every time I check my e-mail I get a bunch of adverts advising me that I would be a Knight to Remember if only I would send off to some dodgy dealer somewhere for Viagra, or Cialis, or Levitra, or some natural equivalent that probably consists of bicarbonate of soda - or something much nastier.

It probably happens to you, too (actually, Emily gets them addressed to her personally, which has to make you wonder whether somebody somewhere might not be quite up to speed) because literally billions of these e-mails go whizzing through cyberspace every year for the very good reason that they're aimed at a huge market.

Erectile disfunction is a very common problem for a lot of men - all of whom take it very seriously, and many of whom will go to any lengths to make the problem go away.

I say 'go to any lengths', but quite often 'any lengths' doesn't include the most sensible option - which is a visit to a doctor to find out whether there's some underlying organic cause for the fact that Willy won't come out to play any more. And there are a lot of potential underlying organic causes, some of which are major causes for concern - like impending heart disease.

The moral here is, of course, that it really isn't a good idea to respond to spam - and resort to drugs! - before you've had somebody professionally qualified confirm that you don't have a problem apart from the one you already know about.

And once you've had that welcome confirmation, there are cheaper, safer, and better options than drugs.

Erectile disfunction is often psychological. In other words one failure leads to another because people come to expect failure, to anticipate it, visualise it - and make it happen.

Hypnosis can alter expections, change responses, and make it possible for people to anticipate and achieve success in this and host of other areas. It isn't the only way to go - but it's a good option because it's relatively fast-acting. Positive thinking and creative visualisation are slower - but they can be the building blocks of success, too.

If you've got this problem, see your doctor and put your mind at rest. Then you can think about what you want to do next.

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Thoughts Become Things That Happen

2010-01-25T14:01:00.000-08:00

Winston Churchill once said: "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

I spend a lot of time trying to enable people to see that there is an opportunity in every difficulty - and even more time trying to help pessimists to climb out of the difficulties they have created for themselves simply by thinking negatively.

Let's cut to the chase here. Your unconscious mind is a very powerful entity, and it can do great things for you. The big BUT is that your unconscious mind - like a perfect servant - wants to give you what it believes that you want, and takes its cue from your conscious mind.

Want to fail at something? Want to be afraid of something? Want your relationships to fall apart one after another? No problem! Just imagine those things hard enough and often enough, and your unconscious mind - like a perfect servant - will do it's best to make them all happen for you.

Use your unconscious mind carefully. Think positively. Imagine good outcomes. See the opportunities that really do exist in every difficulty.

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Positive Thinkers - a Group With the Right Idea

2010-01-21T09:53:00.000-08:00

I was cruising around on LinkedIn yesterday, and found an entire Group devoted to positive thinking. The Group description stated that it was for optimistic people who believed in the power of positive thinking, and who concentrated on the good rather than the bad.

I was absolutely enchanted! Bill and I are hypnotherapists. We don't push that fact down people's throats - but we are. And hypnotherapists have to spend an awful lot of time convincing people to be positive and confident before they can even begin to deal with all the other problems those people want to address.

Levels of positivity and confidence determine how well people deal with life - how they react to what happens to them. And no-one needs a therapist to learn how to use positive thinking to become more positive and enhance their confidence. Anyone with a library ticket, or access to a bookshop or the internet can do it by themselves.

Look up positive thinking! You'll find you can do yourself a power of good, change your whole attitude, and be a healthier happier person by learning to take some very simple steps.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Nearly Spring - Time to Get Into the Swim

2010-01-19T11:07:00.000-08:00

If you're often tempted to wander about in your garden or the park looking for shoots and leaves, are tempted to ask flowering bulbs in markets and shops about the health and whereabouts of their invisible relatives, and have an obsessive-compulsive desire to clean the windows or turn out the attic, then you have Spring Fever.

If can't get interested in the sale of winter clothing (however cheap), and keep telling yourself that it really is a lot warmer today despite the fact that the news, the weather forecast and the thermometer in the shed all tell you that isn't so, then you have it badly.

This is not, alas, something that be cured by chocolate. But you can take action.

Slow, dark, rainy January days pass more quickly if you are busy anticipating better days - and this is a good time to keep yourself busy anticipating better days by getting some exercise. As no one really wants to go out running or cycling - or even walking - in the weather we've all been having, swimming is your best option.

Quite apart from the fact that swimming is great heart-lung exercise and makes you feel really good (to say nothing of extremely clean!), doing it will enable you to find out whether your swimming gear still fits well. And that's quite important, because if it doesn't fit well now, it isn't likely that it's going to fit well in June, is it?

If you begin to get some gentle, toning, exercise now, you won't need to bother about whether things are going to fit you come June. And you can meet some new people, feel a lot more positive, and pass some useful, healthy, time. And the daffoldils will be out before you know it.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

You Don't Need to Handle Rape or Abuse All By Yourself

2010-01-15T14:37:00.000-08:00

Rape or abuse isn't a self-help issue. Anyone who has been raped or abused needs immediate help - and perhaps long term support.

There are help and support centres all over Britain - and you can find many of them online by typing 'rape crisis centres' into your search engine - but if you can't find a support centre near you online, the easiest place to find help quickly is to get in touch with The Samaritans . You can call the Samaritans 24 hours a day. In the UK dial 08457 90 90 90. In the Republic of Ireland dial 1850 60 90 90.

Most support centres or agencies will advise you to contact the police, but most - like The Haven Sexual Assault & Referral Centre at King's College Hospital will also advise you that if you have not informed the police about your sexual assault/rape and are uncertain about whether to do so there are many options to consider, and that whilst you can discuss those possibilities confidentially with them, your choices and wishes will be respected.

The important thing is that you do get help and discuss your options. This really is not a self-help issue.

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Don't Shop While You're Hungry!

2010-01-14T11:03:00.000-08:00

When you want to lose a few - or even more than a few! - pounds, snacking is something to avoid. The goal is to eat real meals at real mealtimes and concentrate on eating them properly and enjoying them. Snacks are not real meals, people don't eat them at real mealtimes or concentrate on eating them properly - so most of the time they don't enjoy them either.

Avoiding snacking isn't difficult, but it sometimes takes guile, ingenuity and forethought.

Don't shop when you're hungry! I know that a lot of people use up their lunch hour shopping. I also know that they gobble down a lot of junk food - one or two sandwiches, a packet of cakes, and a fizzy drink - very fast whilst they push the trolley. That isn't eating, it's fuelling up with snack foods that contain a lot of calories and have no nutritional value.

If you have to shop for food in your lunch hour, try to arrange to eat before you go so that you aren't tempted to snack your way round the supermarket. Most people have a quarter of an hour break mid-morning and mid-afternoon. Take a couple of sandwiches from home, and eat them in break times. Slowly.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Migraine - Let's Make it a Headache for Everyone

2010-01-13T11:07:00.000-08:00

Over the past thirty years or so there have been a number of studies as to whether hypnotherapy (and particularly self-hypnosis) can help people who suffer from migraine headaches - and over and over again researchers have concluded that those techniques can greatly reduce the incidence and severity of migraine headaches.

Back in the 1970's, for example, a study by Anderson, Basker and Dalton compared the treatment of migraine by hypnosis and self-hypnosis with the treatment of migraine by use of the drug prochlorperazine - 'Stemetil'. The trial revealed that the number of attacks - and the number of people who suffered blinding attacks - were significantly lower for the group receiving hypnotherapy than for the group receiving the drug. In fact ten out of the twenty-three people in the hypnotherapy group achieved complete remission during the last three months of the trial, compared to only three people out of the twenty-four in the group using the drug.

Admittedly, the number of studies into using hypnotherapy to deal with migraine headaches is much smaller than those concentrating on, for example, asthma, but there have been enough of them that have been consistently encouraging to suggest that many migraine sufferers could benefit from hypnotherapy and learning to use hypnosis themselves.

So why aren't they?

Primarily it's because very few doctors in general practice learn to use hypnosis - and those that do don't have the time to use it - so it isn't widely available on the NHS. Some doctors will certainly recommend hypnosis under private health schemes - but not everybody has a private health scheme. Secondly, of course, hypnotherapy doesn't have access to the sort of funding that is available to pharmaceutical companies - to say nothing of the effort that is put into promoting pharmaceutical products and selling them.

So in general medication is what most people who suffer from migraine headaches are offered - and that's what they are going to continue to be offered unless they demand something else.

If you or someone close to you suffers from migraine headaches, ask about hypnosis - and show that you know about it. Quote Anderson, Basker and Dalton. Or Olness, Karen & McDonald, who proved (as long ago as 1960!) that self-hypnosis could help children who were not responding well to medication.

Ordinary people can change things!

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

It's Really Very Difficult to 'Steal' Something...

2010-01-12T10:41:00.000-08:00

When you're trying hard to lose weight, the whole world is full of temptation - and that's particularly true if you're living in a house full of people who don't need to lose any weight, and actually need the biscuits and snacks you're trying to avoid eating yourself.

Obviously, you can't just stop buying snack food because you don't want to eat it yourself. That isn't just unfair, it's a bad idea. And the usual ploy of putting snack foods away of sight or storing it in relatively inaccessible places won't work well either if people have become used to coming home from school or work and helping themselves to something to 'tide them over' until the real food lands on the table.

The easiest way around this problem - and it really is a problem for a lot of people - is to fall back on one of the inhibitions that was dinned into your head when you were a child, and use it.

It's wrong to steal. You get into trouble if you become a thief. People don't like or trust thieves.

You know that, and I know it, and everybody else knows it, and in fact very few people can bring themselves to overcome that inhibition and take something that belongs to someone else - particular if that someone else is a child.

So if a tin of biscuits is labelled 'David's Biscuits', or 'Elaine's Cakes', you can't eat them without asking permission can you? Because they aren't yours, are they? And you aren't a thief, are you?

Some inhibitions are very good for you. They can make shedding a few pounds a lot easier. Use them!

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Therapy is Snow Joke in Arctic Conditions!

2010-01-10T11:16:00.000-08:00

Once I'd looked out of the window last Friday morning, I wasn't expecting to see too many people that day. Like the surrounding roads, our semi-circular driveway and six plus parking spaces were buried (again!) under something like two feet of fresh snow. It looked super. It also looked like a lot of hard work.

"Deeper and deeper, Bill", intoned my wife, who has taken to using hypnotic phrases in regular conversation, and who was then on her way to spend the morning in a nice warm kitchen. "Not funny, love", I said.

In the end I compromised with the snow, and dug out two parking spaces, one entrance to the driveway, and a path to the front door. Then I went indoors to find out which of the days' clients fancied a day out in the Winter Wonderland that is now rural Berkshire.

Surprisingly, somebody did. My six o'clock client wouldn't hear of putting off his appointment - and my description of the horrendous conditions outside didn't cut any ice, if you'll excuse the pun. He was determined to go ahead.

On one level I was pleased, because a motivated client makes for very good therapy, but when I thought about the unploughed, ungritted roads outside; the half a dozen or so cars that had been abandoned earlier in the week and only recently retrieved, and the fact that my client would be driving in bad conditions on unfamiliar roads in the dark, I was really less than happy.

By 6:30 p.m. that evening I was very definitely unhappy. There was no sign of the client - and the thought that he might just have had second thoughts wasn't as comforting as it should have been. Thankfully, the 'phone rang at quarter to seven. The client was fifty or sixty yards away, in a road almost opposite - and he'd been stuck in a snow drift for forty minutes.

Off with the house shoes, on with the green wellies, and out with a long-handled shovel in one hand and a wide headed shovel in the other to provide a bit of hands-on therapy.

By the time I got there, there was another car stuck behind my clients' car, and it took the combined efforts of all three of us and nearly twenty minutes to dig everyone out.

Afterwards - fortified by tea - my client and I finally got down to business. He relaxed, and I began another kind of therapeutic digging to try get to the root of his problem.

It was a great session. Two blokes with shovels can develop a lot of vital empathy very quickly - and he was really a very motivated person...

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Not What You Eat - More The Way You Eat It

2010-01-09T10:22:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while somebody comes up with a new diet, and lots of people buy the book, follow the instructions for week or so, and then give up - often because the diet is too restricted, and/or they don't like the food they're supposed to live on.

Obviously, if your Doctor puts you on a diet then you need to be on a diet, but if it's just a case of dropping a few pounds to fit comfortably into your clothes then all you need to do is to eat correctly.

Diet books never tell you this, but sadly the 'telephone line' between your stomach and your brain isn't on speed dial - which means that it takes a while for the message to get through that you've actually had enough to eat.

If you 'bolt' your food rather than eating it properly then you have lots of time to eat too much - and when the message finally arrives (via that uncomfortable, bloated feeling!) you've already eaten too much. And, of course, it really doesn't matter then whether the food in question was 'low calorie' or not, because you've still eaten too much of it.

If you chew your food thoroughly before swallowing, put down your knife and fork (or your sandwich) between mouthfuls, and concentrate on eating rather than trying to do some else at the same time (like watching television or reading a book, for example) then the message will get through in good time.

Always assuming that you listen to the message, and stop eating immediately you get it, you will never eat too much - and, over a period, you'll lose your extra pounds. I say 'over a period', because it took some time to put those pounds on, and it's going to take some time to get rid of them.

Losing weight shouldn't be a 'no pain, no gain' activity. Eating is pleasurable - something to be savoured and enjoyed. And if you eat correctly, and stop eating immediately your body says 'Enough!' then you can enjoy the food you like without worrying about gaining weight - or dieting.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Don't Let Embarrassment Ruin Your Life

2010-01-06T14:42:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago now Emily and I had a 'clutch' of people who turned up within a few days of each other with the same problem. That was unusual in itself, because - in an average month - at least sixty per cent of the people we see have 'no-two-alike problems'. But the problem itself was even more unusual - at least to us, then - because we had never dealt with it before, and had never had any occasion to think seriously about it.

Our 'clutch' was made up of adult men who wet the bed - not occasionally, or because they had had too much to drink, but on a regular basis, and sometimes every night. And they had been wetting the bed regularly all their lives.

We did a lot of research and listened to a lot of stories over quite a period - and it wasn't a happy picture. Our 'clutch' - in common with a lot of people just like them - lived very constricted lives. They didn't stay with friends, have friends to stay with them, invite people into their homes, take what we would think of as ordinary holidays, or have what we would think of as being ordinary and natural sexual relationships with other people. They socialised very little, and worried about the smell of urine in their homes, on their clothes and on them quite a lot. Their whole lives revolved about keeping a secret that they would have been better off never to have kept in the first place.

Adult bedwetting isn't rare, and it certainly isn't incurable, but - like a lot of other things - it's something that people are often too embarrassed to talk about. Sadly, many adult bedwetters are only discovered and treated when they are hospitalised or incarcerated.

Whatever problems you have, you should never be too embarassed to talk, explain, and ask for help. Embarrassment isn't something that you should allow to ruin your life.

- Bill

It's Hard to Give up Smoking Because...

2010-01-03T08:54:00.000-08:00

It's hard to give up smoking - even with aids like Nicorette - for two reasons.

Firstly, cigarettes contain additives that are themselves addictive. Those additives are the source of 'brand loyalty' - the reason why a particular person prefers a particular brand of cigarette and will buy that brand rather than any other regardless of price.

Secondly, smoking is a habit that attaches itself readily to other habits or daily rituals - mid-morning coffee, a drink in the evening, the regular Friday telephone call home to parents, the weekly manicure, all become associated with smoking, and seem incomplete or unsatisfactory without a cigarette.

Both of these factors can be made to work in favour of the person who really wants to stop smoking.

Cigarettes that are not the right' brand are unsatisfactory to a smoker, because whilst all cigarettes have additives, they don't have the same additives in every case. Changing brands every day - even if means throwing away unsmoked cigarettes - means that smoking itself becomes unsatisfactory, so that the desire to smoke tapers off.
Changing the habits or weekly rituals that have become 'cigarette vehicles' - or designating various rooms of the house no smoking zones - eventually detaches the habit from the habit, as it were, so that smoking ceases to be part of that particular activity.

It helps, too, to make sure that its impossible to 'light up' unconsciously by keeping cigarettes in less easily accessible places and removing and washing ashtrays immediately ONE cigarette has been smoked so that smoking becomes a conscious decision - and a bit of a chore.

Nicorette works well - but it will work a whole lot better if it gets some help from you!

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Boost Your Resolution With Positive Affirmations!

2010-01-02T07:55:00.000-08:00

'Positive thinking' can help you keep those New Years Resolutions - and please don't tell me it went out with the ark. It didn't. It just got re-labelled and reincarnated as various new, fashionable (and very expensive!) therapautic systems. You don't need new, fashionable or expensive. You can DIY with something tried, trusted and free. Here's how:

Positive affirmations can take several forms, but right now you should concentrate on the on the three types of ‘I’ statement that are statements of self-belief:

‘I am’ statements are statements of who you are; positive affirmations of real traits or abilities that exist in you. For example: I am competent, I am strong, I am intelligent, I am talented, I am energetic, I am a good person, I am caring.
I can’ statements are statements of your belief in your potential to change, grow and help yourself. For example: I can gain self-confidence, I can be strong, I can be assertive, I can be positive, I can change, I can heal, I can be a problem solver.
'I will’ statements are statements of positive change - ‘success prophesies’ or positive affirmations of things you want to achieve. For example: I will smile more today, I will take care of me today, I will feel good about me today, I will like myself better each day, I will take on only what I can handle today.

Choose a statement that fits one of the things you have resolved to achieve this year - 'I will succeed', for example - and work with it for at least a week. Make it your first thought when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you think before you go to sleep. Think of it when you sit down to eat, when you take a shower, when you go for a walk, and when you sit down to relax. Repeat it as often as possible during the day. When you're done with that statement start on another one that's relevant to what you want to achieve.

Don't think of positive thinking as being 'silly' or a waste of time! It works - and if you work with it, it will work for you.

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Come Fly With Me

2009-06-11T01:03:00.000-07:00

Radio 4's seven o'clock evening news had just finished, the Archers were starting their daily story of very unusual country folk, and - onions sliced, lamb diced, and garlic crushed - I was happily preparing supper when the 'phone rang.

It was a young woman, and she was clearly very, very, anxious.  She wanted to know what experience I had of dealing with fear of flying. She also wanted to come round in about in ten minutes.

“Tonight!", I said. "Can’t we make an appointment for sometime tomorrow?”

There was a short pause, and then she explained that she - along with a vast assortment of relatives - was supposed to be flying to Eygpt the following morning. And that she was terrified at the prospect. And she was almost in tears.

What can you do?  I gave her directions about parking, shoved the casserole in the oven, and re-opened the office.

It was a longish session and well time for the ten o’clock news before I got back to eating my rather late supper - and hopefully it will be the only sesssion I ever do wearing a striped apron and smelling of onions - but as it turned out, it worked really well. A couple of weeks later, my late evening client 'phoned to say “Thank you”. She had suffered no anxiety on her flight to Egypt or her flight back home, and had enjoyed a really super holiday.

Fear of flying is a very common condition. Some studies suggest that one in five people are afraid of, or nervous about, flying. So if you are one of them - you aren't alone. Obviously, assuring nervous would-be airline passengers that they are twenty-nine times more likely to be in a car accident than a 'plane crash isn't going to help anybody very much. Fortunately, hypnosis has proved to be a very fast and highly effective means of helping those people to overcome their fear of flying.

And I don't mind a really well cooked casserole...

Bill