Ask Yourself Some Questions

You can be quite unhappy without knowing why.

You can want to change something without knowing quite what.

You can want to change three or more specific things, but dither about changing any of them because you can't make your mind up where to start.

One way out of this maze of not knowing and indecision is to ask yourself questions, because if you ask yourself questions it's likely that you'll get much more than you expect or bargain for by answering them.

Want to see? Print this post, then write out the answers to these questions. Take your time! It's likely you'll have to think about some of them...

• If you work, does your work satisfy you? If not, why not?


• If you are a home-maker, are you satisfied with your role? If not, why not?


• What do you like to do in your spare time?


• What would you like to do that you are not doing now?


• What is stopping you doing those things?


• What steps do you think you could take to make those things a reality in the future?


• What do you want out of life?


• Where do you see yourself in five years time?


• What are the bad habits you would like to overcome?


• What are your weaknesses that can be worked on?


• What are your strengths that can be worked with?


• What would you like to achieve in the short term?


• What are your long-term goals?


• Do you have overly high, or overly low, expectations of yourself and others?


• If so, where do you believe those expectations originated?


• In what kinds of situations do you most readily lose control?


• In which situations are you best able to keep self-control?


• How would you describe yourself?


• Which of your feelings, thoughts, or behaviours would you like to change?


• What benefits do you believe you would gain from understanding yourself better?


• If suddenly one morning you discovered that your biggest problem had disappeared and no longer troubled you, what would be different?

If you answer these questions as honestly as you can, you'll likely get some insight right away - and perhaps will be able to ask yourself some more questions, and get some further insight into where you want to go, and who you want to be, and what you really want to achieve.

Bear in mind though, that your unconscious mind will continue to process both your questions and your answers for some time, so that fresh questions, different answers to the old ones, new ideas, solutions to problems (and perhaps gradual changes in habits or attitudes) will occur quite naturally over a period and continue to manifest themselves for several weeks or months afterwards without your necessarily being conscious of the reasons for them.

Which is the beauty of asking yourself questions...

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Self Fulfillling Prophesies - Make Yours Good Ones

We hardly ever apply logic or rational thought to the negative words we adopt to describe ourselves, or the negative things we think when we’re faced with particular situations or people, or have to learn something new. I know I never used to. My own particular negative nugget was 'I'm bound to make a mistake'. Guess what happened...

Anyway, I don't want you falling into the same dark hole, so I'm listing a few of things that I often hear people say about themselves. They don't make cheerful reading, but they illustrate the point I'm trying to make - and that is that we often think damaging things about ourselves that are wrong, irrational, illogical or past their sell-by date.

I want you to think when you read the list. I also want you to apply logic and try to refute each statement as you go along, and to try to stand outside yourself and imagine what advice you would give to someone who made any of these statements to you.

OK? Here's the list:

I feel inferior to other people who are better off/better educated/better looking than I am.

I have negative beliefs about myself and my own abilities.

Although I realise that the negative beliefs I hold about myself influence my current conduct, I remind myself of them every day.

I make negative statements and self-deprecating remarks about myself in every­day conversation.

When I was younger members of my family or peer group made negative remarks to or about me. I remember them and still believe them to be true.

When I get negative feedback from people close to me I take it personally and believe it to be true even though I know, logically, that it is not.

I have a negative self-image about my body/looks/background/social skills that influences the way I present myself to other people.

I always believe negative assessments of my competency, skills, ability, knowledge, intelligence, creativity, or common sense to be true.

I feel negative about my future prospects of success and lack the motivation to make the effort to achieve my goals.

I feel angry, resentful or hostile toward others for real or imagined mistreatment.

I dread the future. I don’t believe that I have what it takes to be successful.

I have made mistakes in the past and feel sure that I will make mistakes in the future.

Do you really believe that’s its logical to feel inferior to another person just because that person is better off, better educated or better looking than you are?

Do you sincerely think that it's rational for a person to make negative statements about him or herself to other people, or make negative assessments to themselves about their own abilities?

Do you honestly consider that people always tell the truth about other people, or do you believe that some people sometimes have a personal agenda that makes it politic to denigrate other people?

Do you think it wise for a person to base his or her view of themselves on what people said to, or about, them years ago?

Do you really think it’s a good idea for people to keep reminding themselves of their personal negative beliefs about their own background, abilities, etc?

Do you consider that people who don't believe in themselves and lack motivation to pursue their goals can make a success of their lives?

No? Me neither. But I do sincerely believe, think, and consider that negative thoughts and beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophesies.

Many of the things we think or believe about ourselves are wrong, illogical, irrational, or distorted. Most of those thoughts or beliefs are rooted in the past, but things that happened in the past, however painful and damaging to the self-confidence, have little or no relevance to the present.

I've a great belief that if there's a monster in your closet then the best thing to do is to haul it out, and shine a strong rational, logical, and realistic light on it, because that's the only way to see the monster as it really is - a scrawny little creep that's trying to ruin your life.

If you make negative statements about yourself that you apply to yourself - write them out on a piece of paper, and treat them exactly as you treated the statements I've written here. Stand outside yourself, apply logic, try to refute the statement, and try to give yourself some good, impersonal advice. You might also ask yourself a couple of questions: like “What does it matter to me now? or "Why does it bother me so much?" and write out the answers to those questions, too.

All part of making your self-fulfilling prophesies good ones...

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

You, Your Teeth, the Dentist - and Finding the Money

Unsurprisingly - and given the fact that nearly everybody is strapped for cash and finding an NHS dentist prepared to take anyone on is now is about as likely finding teeth on a hen - dental care doesn't top the list of priorities for a lot of people.


The problem is that you if you ignore your teeth, they do tend to go away.


You need your teeth to chew food and speak clearly. Your teeth also affect the appearance of your face and your smile - so it's important to look after them, and make sure that they don't go away.
 You can do a lot by yourself to keep your teeth in your head and your smile intact:

• Brush your teeth at least twice a day.
• Make sure you brush every surface of every tooth. To do this properly can take longer than you think. Most dentists would recommend around two minutes. Takes me at least five minutes.
• Use fluoride toothpaste to protect against decay.
• Use a toothbrush with a small head and synthetic bristles.
• Start at one side of your mouth and move round to the other side, brushing all the tooth surfaces thoroughly.
• Pay particular attention to the gumline, angling the bristles into the crevice where the gums meet the teeth.
• Use a good mouthwash - like Corsodyl or Alodont - and follow the instructions. No, they don't taste good, but you can't have everything.
• Replace your toothbrush every month.

Some people prefer an electric toothbrush - I certainly do - and there is some evidence that electric toothbrushes are more efficient at removing plaque than brushing by hand. However, how throughly you clean your teeth is much more important than what type of brush you use -and you still need to replace the brush once a month.


And you still need to visit a dentist once in a while - as opposed to letting things go and heading for A&E or calling NHS Direct when things get unbearable.


For reasons I won't bore you with, I was reading through the Business Credit Management UK website earlier this week, and I found an article entitled 'Debt Ridden Britain Relies On Credit For Dental Bills'. The article was talking about a Company called Simplyhealth .


Simplyhealth seems to provide a lot of benefits (it isn't just about teeth!) for not very much money, so its worth checking it out. It's 'Simply Cash Plan' starts from £2.25 a week and provides for dental visits, opticians appointments and - interestingly - complementary therapy along with a lot of other stuff. Visit the site! It might be for you.


Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/